EVAlUATION

Johnastine Pantra, omi

Self evaluation

30 April 2019

My family

I am Johnastine Pantra. My father’s name is Peter Nafak and mother’s name is Jorina Jacinta Pantra. My parents are old enough. We are six sisters and four brothers. One sister and one brother have passed away. All sisters are got married and one brother also married. One brother is still unmarried. Two of my sisters are housewife. One sister is working in Gazi industries. One of my sisters is a nurse and one is a beautician. One brother is working padma tank industries. I belong to Garo ethnic group. I am from Sohagpur under Joljholia parish and Mymensingh Diocese. All my family members’ are catholic.

My parents are simple, prayerful, helping minded, loving, giving service in the local church and charitable. Simple and charitable, prayer life and helping minded these qualities are in me of my parents.

     My personalities

    Strength                                                                              

1.      Simple

2.      Prayerful

3.      Like to play football and basketball

4.      Helping minded

5.      Listen others

6.      Good enough at English

7.      Community minded

8.      work Charitable

9.      sharing minded

10.  meditative

11.  studious enough

12.  sociable

13.  can read well Bangla and Enlish

14.  studious

15.  polite and Patient

16.  humble

17.  Mediocre student

18.  Open minded

19.  Hard working

20.  A good skill in computer

21.  Apostolic minded

         

           Weak

1.      introvert

2.      Hardly lazy

3.      very often shares

4.      sometimes indifferent

5.      Don’t want to get help from others

6.      Don’t care other

7.      Feel shine to share

8.      Individualistic

9.      Anger

10.  Suppress anger

11.  Not  sociable

12.  Sometimes not studious

13.  Sometimes not humble

14.  Stubborn

15.  Not open minded

16.  Most of the times keeps Silence

17.  Has to be more sharing person

18.   Has to increase personal prayer

19.   has to be more open

Academic education

I studied my primary school in Sohagpur Catholic Primary school. In the primary school, I always stood first. It is not that I was a good student but I studied regular. After having finished my primary school, I went to Biroidakuni Boarding and got admitted in Biroidakuni High school run by Holy Cross brothers. I was mediocre student in the high school.  I got A- grade (3.56) in SSC. After my SSC exam I joined in the come and see programme of the Oblates of Mary Immaculate. I was selected and joined in the oblate and had one year intensive English course.  I studied Intermediate (IA) in Notre Dame College for 2 years. My result is 3.56 in HSC. I also studied BA (Bachelor of Arts) in the same college and I got standard second class. I am also doing well in Major seminary studies.  My exam average is 83. I am doing well in theology studies. Now I have completed 2 year theology studies.

My Model

My parent is Worldly model. They are real model who brought me in this beautiful world and nurtured me. Jesus Christ is my spiritual model who died for my sins and always gives opportunity to come back from sinful life. He is only good master and teacher.  As an oblate, of course St Eugene is my mission model by whose missionary zeal I am going to be an oblate missionary.

My Oblate Vocation

When I was studying in high school, I expressed my desire to become an oblate to a CSC brother.  He gave me the address of oblate formation house. Before that I heard about oblate from vocation camp and from my Friends. After hearing that Oblates are working for the poor and their motto is option for the poor that attracts me to join to the Oblate.   Now I am directly experiencing oblate way of life.  I love oblate.  Love for crucified Jesus, the Church, the poor and Mother Mary, these corresponds to my life, I love and have an ardent desire to be an oblate and to serve Jesus as an oblate. I am discovering my oblate vocation more and more as I am journeying with fellow oblate brother.  I have an ardent desire to be an oblate priest.  I want to evangelize the poor as well as missionary.

Prayer and spiritual life

I love to pray. It is the prayer which gives me strength and power in my vocation life. I am regular in community prayer. I do meditation and I like it. I also recite the rosary prayer besides community rosary.  I read some spiritual books and the Holy Bible to nurture my spiritual life.  What I pray, I try to apply practically in my life. Prayer is my hope. It leads me, guides me and protects me from the evils.

Community life

It is the nature to live in community in the way of oblate life. So I also love to live in community life actively. I personally enjoy our community life. All the members of the community are cooperative and helping each other. It is the community that helps me to grow integral.  I love and like to be in community.  Beautiful thing in the community is that sharing the joys and sorrows which increase our joys more and decrease our sorrows. In the community, I can pray together, work together, eat together and share love of God with one another.   Community makes me hope in my oblate life.  I am happy in the community.  

Eucharist  

Eucharist is the source of my spiritual life. It is the highest liturgy in priesthood life. It is my desire to offer Eucharist one day as an oblate priest. Living Jesus Christ presents in the eucharist. it is remembering the life of Jesus in which he has given for us his body and blood. So Echurist is the highest summit prayer to me.

Liturgy of Hours, Oraison and personal prayer

Liturgy of the hour is a prayer that I am praying with all catholic members and with the church. Moreover that it is a personal food for my spiritual life. It also makes a communitarian prayer in the community life, so it is community prayer, praising God together with community members.

Oraison is very personal communicative prayer with Lord Jesus Christ. Just in silence, spending with the Lord Jesus Christ.  It really give us mental and inner peace in heart and some shorts of orgasm in the heart and mind by spirit of Oraison. It helps us to center Jesus Christ in my life.  It strengthens my spiritual life more.

Personal prayer is also important in my vocation life. I spent sometimes at night in the chapel. I just sit before the Lord Jesus Christ. I let speak Lord Jesus Christ upon me. It is also personal communication with Jesus. It gives inner spiritual strengths for me. It makes me calm and tranquil in my inner heart. I give thanks for life, vocation rector, family, friend, teacher and benefactors. it is a personal relationship, sharing and deepening my reciprocal relationship with Jesus.

Apostolate

I do my apostolic activities with sincerity and it helps me a lot to discover my vocation more and more. I try my best to apply practically in the apostolic work whatever I learn from School (Banany Major Seminary) and scholasticate.  It is also opportunity to be with the people and learn from them some spirituality.  As a future priest, it is very helpful to me to do the apostolic work here. It makes pastoral minded and helps me how to serve the people and how to be with them. Apostolic people also help me how I should be as a professed brother. I enjoy my apostolic pastoral work.

Manual labor: I like and love to do Manual labor. It is important to do manual labor in the seminary and it is minor contribution from my part to the seminary.  There is a spirituality of manual labor that helps me to grow in integrity. It also keeps my fit physically.  I enjoy doing manual labor here.

Spiritual direction

Spiritual direction is a guide line in my vocation life. Fr. Srijon John chinapanai sj is my spiritual director. I meet my spiritual director every other month since my spiritual director is professor and sometimes he is busy and leave for India for class and if necessary sometimes I meet twice in month. Spiritual direction is very helpful for me. I am getting much more benefit from spiritual direction. I share freely to my spiritual director. He is helping me a lot to grow in the spiritual life and he is directing and guiding me on the right way.

Vow of Chastity

Chastity is the way of spiritual professed life. It helps me to be more spiritual man. Chastity is not only living virgin, it also belongs to my way of life how I abide by. My thoughts, my dress, using internet, mobile, TV. eating, speeches etc all these belong to chastity to me. It also helps me to be a chaste life.  Internally chaste in heart is a pure chaste for me. Jesus Christ is the way, truth and life of me. Living in Christ, I live in chaste life.  I consecrated my chaste life for the sake of the kingdom and to serve the people of God. It is chastity that makes intimate relationship with God and people. It riches and develops my spiritual heart.

Vow of poverty

 I have voluntarily chosen the poverty life. I love to live in poverty life. To live a poor life does not make down rather it makes me strong and powerful in my spiritual life. It is poverty that elevates my vocation life. I have chosen to live in poverty.  It is not only earthly poverty but poor in heart and humble with people. What I get how frugally I use those. It also belongs to my poverty life.

Obedience

Obedience is one the important vow in religious life. Jesus is the best example of obedience who come down as a man. He obeyed his father’s command; even he obeyed his father unto the cross. Christ’s food was ‘to do the will of the one who sent him’. Besides obedience to God, obedience to the superior is also important in religious life because he represents God. As much as possible I obey my superiors. I also obey my fellow scholastics brothers. Obedience is to respect to each other. It is also necessary obedient to my conscience and obedient to the word of God.  I am obedient to the God as well as to superiors. By obeying superiors, I serve the Lord. Obedience is one of the way to show love one another.  Jesus has shown his love to his father, by obeying Him.

Perseverance

Perseverance is the way of our life. What I have and know is no matter but how much I persevere to know is important. Perseverance in prayer, in vocation, in chastity, in obedience and in poverty which lead me to the perfection. I persevere in my prayer, studies, manual labor and obedience.

Mission and vision

My mission and vision is voice to voiceless and justice and peace for the poor people. To be the missionary to the poor and preach them the word of God is my mission and vision.

Apostolic Experience

I commenced my pastoral/apostolic year in June 17, 2017 in the Luxmipur parish. It was a golden opportunity to have a divine experience with divine faithful. It was also a great privileged for me to abide with Rev. Fr. Robi Robert, omi, Fr. Paulus, omi and Fr. Sagor louise, omi who always assisted, guided and led me. They are individually and respectively great and inspirable oblate. They are labouring hard to evangelize the Good News to the poor in the spirit of oblate. I have intimately been living with them in Luxmipure for Six months, 17 June, 2017 to 19 Feb, 2018.  As an oblate apprentice I had meaningful and fruitful apostolic experiences with oblate priests and faithful. These apostolic experiences will guide, lead and help me after being an oblate religious priest and facilitate me to work with faithful in future in the parish. It was not an experience to convert the faithful rather to experience their faith in Jesus Christ. Deep faith of faithful has deepened my faith and vocation in oblate and constant conversion within me. Another six months I was with Fr. Soroj, omi and Fr. Sudhir, omi. It also was a unique and different experience with them and with indigenous community faithful in Mogaipar Parish. So I accumulated a rich apostolic experience in a year.      

lectio Divina

I read spiritual books for my spiritual thirst and to increase my spiritual knowledge.  I read Henry Nouwen’s book and other writer’s books too.  Famous book of Henry Nouwen’s book ‘Living in the spirit’, I read this year. Spiritual life is here and now. God is much closer to me as I realize. In my joy and sorrows, gains and loss, hardship and reward, forgiveness and compassion, God chooses to dwell in me.  God loves me and always with me.  For me the Holy Scripture is highest lectio- divina or spiritual reading.

Suggestion

Help me and us to grow in integral spiritual life and help us to read the science of the time.  Be friend of us and help us really to a genuine oblate. Thank you for everything that you are helping us.